• Monday, January 25, 2021

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  • The seven best places to meet singles in Amsterdam

    On the dating safari that is Amsterdam, there are many, many, herds of Lions and Antelopes just waiting to be eaten, which brings me to the subject of today’s post. I recently received a message from a Zlatko Markovic. “Shallow Man, you always say there are lots of single Antelopes in Amsterdam. I’m new here, where are the best places to meet single women?” Being an equal opportunities kind of guy, I’ve decided to compile a list of the seven best places to meet both single Lions and Antelopes in the city of blue jeans and brown shoes. In order to compile this list, I’ve had to do exhaustive, and often painful and extensive research, the things I do for my readers!

    Disclaimer: The list is based on the Shallow Man’s own personal experiences while doing research for my new book, the Shallow Man Guide to Dating the Dutch. Don’t shoot the exceptionally well dressed and modest messenger!

    Lust

    If you are the kind of person that wants to skip the usual niceties of basic conversation, and boring unnecessary norms, chains placed by society that should be fought against, you know what I mean, stupid questions such as “hoe heet je?” (What’s your name?). If you just want to get drunk, or are already blind drunk but sober enough to tongue wrestle with a complete stranger, then there is only one place that will satisfy your carnal urges, yes I’m talking about the Cooldown Cafe. Conversation isn’t necessary, in fact it’s positively discouraged. Dive in and snog to your hearts content. The classier and slightly less drunk Antelopes and Lions go to Bubbles. If you can’t decide which one to go to, think of if you were about to be executed and had a choice, would you take the electric chair (Bubbles) or lethal injection? (Cooldown). I hope this helps.

    The sin of lust
    The sin of lust

    Glutony

    The sin of too much consumption. My next choice can only be, any FEBO between 1am to 3am in the Pijp and Amsterdam Central is a great place to meet slightly merry, or outright drunk and single Lions and Antelopes. These refined food connoisseurs, often gather at FEBO in the early hours. Romance can often start when two hands reach for a croquette or lekker frikandel. Love set to the sweet smell of saturated fat, what could be more romantic?

    Greed

    The Palladium, in Leidseplein, is the official capital of gold digger central. Ambitious, hard working women, on the hunt for C list celebrities, bankers, or footballers, gather in this bar to hunt down men who will pay, pay and pay, forever.

    the primary motivation of a gold digger
    the primary motivation of a gold digger

    Sloth

    The sin of laziness, is typified by the Dutch men I often see at De Duvel, a fabulous eetcafe in the Pijp, that is full of beautiful Antelopes. The Dutch Lions tend to stare, drink their biertjes, stare, drink, stare. This leads to the more ferocious Antelopes taking matters into their own hands and practically ripping the lazy Lions to pieces.

    Wrath

    I, the Shallow Man am guilty of the sin of anger and hate. Well dear reader, for this there is only one place that makes me feel these emotions, Bar Italia. Yes the place is full of singles. A great mix of local Dutch people and tourists, however, the food. Oh my God! The food and service is diabolical. The serving staff have incredibly bad attitudes. The food is an insult to Italian cuisine. If any member of the Italian government were to eat there, I guarantee that they would declare war on the Netherlands. I actually do want to give the head chef a compliment, as it takes some talent to make Italian food without any flavor at all. Kudos to that man. The cocktails are terrible. Highly priced, with as little actual alcohol present as possible. If you must go there, don’t eat in the restaurant and avoid the cocktails, but there are plenty of singles.

    Not a nice thing to do to the head Chef
    Not a nice thing to do to the head Chef

    Envy

    For a more upmarket place to meet singles, I recommend the bar at Samhoud and Places. At weekends they often have a DJ, a good atmosphere, and a very attractive crowd. Upstairs in this place is one the best restaurants in the Netherlands. If you’re only there for a drink, no need to be jealous of the people heading upstairs to two michelin starred heaven.

    Pride

    There is a secret bar, in a burger place, that is full of beautiful people, has some of the best cocktails I’ve ever had, and is my favorite bar in Amsterdam. However, unless you know the password of the day, it’s impossible to enter. This can elicit the sin of pride in the chosen few that are members or guests.

     

    Featured image: amsterdomnow.com

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